blooming flowers in the dark
I’ve always been forced to grow with no help
figuring everything out
by blindly feeling how to fit into
the right grooves
into notches that I didn’t match
somewhere along the line
I lost myself
in problems that don’t exist
anywhere but in my head
I am enough to grow without light
to bend and adjust
to fill my veins with chlorophyll
and be whole
without ever having had all the parts.
Is that it feels like I don’t get to grow up. It’s like I saw everyone else growing and becoming womanlike but it’s like I stayed the same, child like. I feel like when I’m older men won’t want me because surely I can’t be a woman. That’s what it feels like. Women are tall, poised, and curvy. While I’m the opposite. Media tells me that women are at least 5’5 with long hair and long torsos and legs. I turn twenty soon and I don’t feel like a woman at all. While girls that are like twelve are far more womanly than myself.
I’m ready to get a car, move out into my own apartment, work, and be on my own for a while. Tired of depending on everyone. I’m still thankful for what I have regardless.
Can I have this life, (pretty) please?